As much as I want to ignore it and pretend it is not happening I am in flare. After 440 days my body has decided to revolt for whatever reason and has turned on me. I have been feeling so strong and so good for so long but this morning I woke up and my body was hurting, I have a fever, I have a sore throat and my hair feels different and it hurts to touch it. There is no denying that I’m in flare with all those symptoms. I have to take it easy, bring my body back to life in my new normal and start again. It does give me hope that I went as long as I did but it is a reality that I still have MCTD. Sometimes you wonder if you are cured when you go long periods of time but I will never be cured.
What caused this flare? It could be the weather, it could be that I didn’t sleep for nearly a week and my body just couldn’t take the exhaustion anymore. It could just be because I got into something or near someone that had a virus and I caught a little bug. Either way it doesn’t really matter what happened but it did happen and now once I feel better I start the process over again. I do believe that I can go the distance again but I need my body to get back to normal again in order to start the process and it might take several days to get back to my new normal before I can start the process.
As much as I’m disappointed I’m also so grateful that I went as long as I did and that my body was strong enough to last 440 days without a flare. It gives me great hope to do it all over again. Maybe even get to 500 days this next time but certainly I need to get better and back on track.
Yesterday I got to combine two of my favorite things, which include yoga and my nephew. At the yoga studio I attend they started a yoga kids program called mat pack which allows children ages 3-6 to come participate with their moms, dads, or my case aunties and enjoy some yoga, fun, a little focus and deep breathing for about 30-45 minutes depending on what they can endure.
I was already there taking my own class so when that ended I ran downstairs to grab him as my sister-in-law dropped him off and up the stairs to the yoga studio we went. I had a fun mat for him that had a tree on it with bright colors so he could call the mat his own and start to get familiar with it. At first he just thought it was a big studio to play in and kind of it is but we needed to bring a little focus into the group as well
The instructor gave him a bell to ring while he told the class his name and my favorite part was he introduced himself as “engineer Eli” since he loves trains so much that is what he has started to call himself. The brain of a 4 year old is amazing, and honest, and incredibly imaginative which I love. After we were done with introductions we started by singing a little song, moving our bodies and learning to breath deep in a very fun way. The class went on with building blocks and with 4 year old’s knocking them down! We sang more songs, and even attempted head stands on the wall. The fearlessness in this kid is incredible and I envy how trusting he is of his little body and those around him that he knows will protect him. He did great.
We did some swimming on our bellies while laying on the mats and even allowed for some natural movement in the little bodies. Their bodies are made to play, explore, squat, full forward bends and even full backward bends. If we all had the flexibility as we age that we start with when we are small our bodies would not feel pain, discomfort, tightness or unease. The sad reality is that we do tighten up and stop using our bodies in that trusting way as we age but hopefully with kids starting their yoga practices earlier we can keep them limber.
He did so amazingly well and wants to continue so this will become a weekend favorite for us to get together as auntie and nephew and find our balance, increase our love, and keep our flexibility on our mats together.