NO DENYING I’M IN FLARE

As much as I want to ignore it and pretend it is not happening I am in flare. After 440 days my body has decided to revolt for whatever reason and has turned on me. I have been feeling so strong and so good for so long but this morning I woke up and my body was hurting, I have a fever, I have a sore throat and my hair feels different and it hurts to touch it. There is no denying that I’m in flare with all those symptoms. I have to take it easy, bring my body back to life in my new normal and start again. It does give me hope that I went as long as I did but it is a reality that I still have MCTD. Sometimes you wonder if you are cured when you go long periods of time but I will never be cured.

What caused this flare? It could be the weather, it could be that I didn’t sleep for nearly a week and my body just couldn’t take the exhaustion anymore. It could just be because I got into something or near someone that had a virus and I caught a little bug. Either way it doesn’t really matter what happened but it did happen and now once I feel better I start the process over again. I do believe that I can go the distance again but I need my body to get back to normal again in order to start the process and it might take several days to get back to my new normal before I can start the process.

As much as I’m disappointed I’m also so grateful that I went as long as I did and that my body was strong enough to last 440 days without a flare. It gives me great hope to do it all over again. Maybe even get to 500 days this next time but certainly I need to get better and back on track.

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2 thoughts on “NO DENYING I’M IN FLARE

  1. jodiebodie September 26, 2014 at 8:27 am Reply

    I like your positive attitude, focussing on how long you were well and being appreciative of that. While I do that too, every day I can get out of bed is a good day and I have a quiet celebration to myself, I don’t count the days like you do.
    Not consciously anyway, but whenever I do flare up after a long period of going well, I also will think about how long I actually went…For me, I think the trick is to not think of the “R-word” (remission). Whenever I have been going well for a significant amount of time, it might occur to me “Could this be a remission?” and sure enough within a week, I will find that I flare up in some way. What is with that?
    How long does it take you to feel back to “normal” or “new normal”? That is always a worry – whether one will regain what’s been lost or whether it is a new stage with a “new normal”.
    Do you ever worry about such things?

    • mevsmctd September 26, 2014 at 8:55 pm Reply

      Hello Jodie
      Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and write in with your own journey. I started keeping track of my flare up free days and writing in my journal every day because during my doctor apts I would get asked how long has it been since my last flare and I was guessing because I wasn’t sure. Also with the journal I can look back and see if I can pinpoint triggers along the way also. After 440 days I was thinking that perhaps I had found remission but the truth is I think I will always have MCTD and how I deal with the flare up is all up to me.

      It has taken me much longer this time getting back to base line where as in the past I would bounce back quicker but my body may be out of practice from healing with a flare so the good is going so long without a flare and the unfortunate is getting back to base line but I’m on my way.

      I hope you find remission in your own situation.

      Nicole

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