Monthly Archives: January 2017

BACK TO ZERO DAYS

After 245 days I had a flare, therefore, I go back to zero.  However, I had a couple of signs that it was coming and it came and went quicker than normal so there are some positive aspects to this flare.  Last week I was feeling very out of sorts, my mind wasn’t quite right and I was forgetting stuff.  My fatigue level was way high and all the while I’m think that this is “normal” life stuff.  For most people might be normal life stuff, but for me it is much more and I should have known that I was on the verge of a flare. Not that I would have done much at that point but to recognize it would have been good. On Saturday my fatigue level was overwhelming and although I taught my yoga class and took a couple of yoga classes I didn’t have a lot of energy for anything else that day.  Again, I should have recognized but didn’t take notice.  Sunday I woke up and my wrists, elbows and shoulders were so sore. I really thought that I had over done my yoga work.  I do hours upon hours of yoga, why I thought that is still unclear to me but that was the biggest tell I had that I was going to go into flare.

I went to my yoga class, taught the class and as the group was moving to savassana I realized I was moving into flare.  I have a short amount of time before it becomes very obvious to people that something is wrong so I ended class and got into my car. I took deep breaths the whole way home and when I got home my body went into full flare. I had the shakes, the pain, and the illness that comes with a flare so I climbed into bed and went to sleep. During sleep my body is able to recover so I after several hours of sleep I woke feeling much better.  The thing that I need to remember about my flares is that they are fast.  They are painful but they are fast.  If I were to get the flu or a cold I could be down for couple days or even several days but with the flares I’m down for several hours.  My body was not able to do anything Sunday except for rest and although I was able to eat and drink that was all I had. However, the next morning I woke up feeling great.  I was able to do a gentle walk and although I’m still dealing with fatigue my body feels much better.

The thing I learn with each flare is that I have signs if I would just listen and my flares come on fast but leave quickly.  My flares knock me down but then I’m able to get right back up and do what I need to do.  The other thing is that my flare was on a Sunday so it doesn’t really interrupt my life except for that important time with my husband. He is very understanding and realizes that this too will pass and we will have next weekend to enjoy each other.  We had 35 weekends to spend together flare-up free and I’m hoping that this day starts my journey to another 35 weekends or even longer.

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HAPPY NEW YEAR

I woke up this morning and realized I’m at 225 days without a flare so this is a great start to the new year. We don’t have to wait until New Year’s Day to make changes in our lives or set goals but it seems easier to do so when it seems the slate has been cleaned and the new year ahead is full of opportunities. I started my day by teaching a yoga class and I started by saying I think we should ease into the new year and what I heard back was no bring it. Most people are tired New Year’s Day, most people haven’t been sleeping enough, eating out of the ordinary, drinking more than they normally would and we should probably all let our bodies rest but instead we wake up on the first day of the new year and want to be challenged. Whether in a spin class, a new facebook challenge, or even a yoga class. We want that push to get us started in the new year right. We all look for this, but what is the drive? I don’t have the answer to this question as I’m still trying to figure out what drives me to do all I do, and try all the things I try. The people around me wonder where my energy comes from, where my drive comes from and what my boundary is. The only thing I know for certain is that I do as much as I can on days that I feel good because it isn’t every day that my body is running at 85% and never at 100% these days, but I do what I do because I can. If you have been with me since the beginning there was a time when I couldn’t walk and with therapy walking 2000 steps a day was a chore and took all day, now I hit 10,000 steps usually by noon, because my legs work, because my body functions. I do hours of yoga because I have the strength in my arms, elbows and wrists. I do what I do because I have worked to get here and part of me is afraid it could be taken away at any moment. I live in the now as best as I can, but there is a lingering fear that my body could and probably will some day long from now not do what it does today. I believe I will always be able to walk and I will always be able to do yoga. That is where I put my focus, but I’m crazy about spinning. I’m crazy about trying new things, and I’m crazy about succeeding.

I don’t know what this New Year will bring, but I am open to all the events that come my way. I know I will not like everything that I’m faced with this year, but I will face anything with calm, peace and grace. I will continue to encourage all of my yoga students to do the same and challenge them as they need and let them rest when they must without judgment. Happy New Year to you all and hope your year brings you health, happiness, and peace and may this year bring you everything you need.