Today is 266 days of being flare-up free and now I’m really starting to think when will it come? Some might think that at this point I just should think it won’t happen again but my brain is going in a completely different direction. The other day I was dealing with a high level of fatigue and thought that was my first sign of flare, but not true. After my battle with fatigue I went to Bikram and felt a little dizzy after coming out of a pose where my head was below my heart. That was a first so again I thought; ok this is the beginning, but no not true. Yesterday I went to my weight training session and worked out hard with some serious heart pumping weight training and heavy weight so I was worried about being dizzy as well as what my body would do after. Today I woke up very sore but again no flare. I just finished my Insanity Class and although I was utterly exhausted and sweaty I felt really great. So why is my brain thinking the worst? I honestly think because I have not come to accept that my MCTD can truly take a back seat in my life.
For the last 10 years although I don’t dwell on it and I don’t let it stop me from doing what I would like to do, it has always been at the forefront of every decision I make. I chose to make decisions in my life based on feeling good or not and if I might not feel good for days after. In the past if I was completely exhausted I would shut down and rest, now I realize I can be exhausted while staying connected to family and my husband but modify my rest with fun ratio. For Instance, although I really wanted to stay home and rest on Sunday in the past I would have just said no my health comes first and although my health is still important to me, I went with my family and husband out but I just sat and rested while with them. I did sleep so well that night and probably better than if I would have taken a nap during the day.
I still have to listen to my body as everyone does but I don’t have pretend I’m the delicate flower my husband thinks I am. I am stronger than ever before and more determined to put this MCTD in remission. From the beginning of my journals I wanted to be able to say that my MCTD was in remission. Technically I don’t know how long I would have to go without a flare to be considered in remission and considering I still take all my medications daily maybe that keeps me out of the remission bucket but I do know that I feel great, I haven’t flared, and I’m trying new activities all the time with my new found strength.