DAY 16 OF CHALLENGE AND NEW REVELATIONS

 This post is personal but I do this because many of you may be going through the same things or could be going through the same things at some point. My goal with this is to share my experiences and answer questions if I can. It may be very clear to some of you reading previous posts that I’m menopausal. At age 40 I’m going through the next stage of my life and that is different than anything I have ever gone through. I don’t remember going through puberty so if this were similar no wonder I have blocked that out of my memory. Perhaps someday this too will be blocked.

How does one proceed with menopause and deal with an autoimmune? Considering that 75% of autoimmune patients are women and we will all go through this change at some point. I bring this up because as many of you have read I don’t make a move without talking to my rheumatologist since he and I have worked together on my health for 10 years and I trust him the most I turned to him in my dark hour of just not knowing what to do or who to contact for some relief and he honestly didn’t have an answer for me, didn’t have time for me, and didn’t take the time to even hide the fact that he had zero interest in this topic. My emotions are out of control and I fired him. I canceled my appointments with him and just said I wouldn’t be back. Rash move, of course it is, but these are the types of scary things that we can do and say in irrational moments.

I have had a lot of irrational moments and I also learned women don’t want or don’t know how to talk about this stuff. We all go through this, our symptoms and severity might be different, but every woman on the planet will go through this. Some are lucky enough to sail through it but they still go through it. My point is we should be talking about it and leaning on each other for support. My handsome husband is a doll but let me tell you he does not want to discuss this stuff. He does want to know when the woman he married is coming back through the door of our home to stay and I don’t know the answer to that question.

I am a huge researcher of everything and I made the comment that I make health my part time job, my mother said that I actually make health my full time job and that she couldn’t be happier about it and I will figure this out too but it might take a while. I have given myself one year to get on the road to recovery and in one year I want to feel as though life is going back to normal. I am giving myself a year to drop some of the added weight because it just is not budging right now and until I find a good doctor who can help get my hormones balanced I can’t expect much from the other stuff.

I did a lot of walking yesterday and I did Bikram and while in Bikram I kept looking at myself in the mirror saying one year, things will be better in one year. One year I feel good again, one year I will look good again, one year I will like myself again, one year my husband will like me again. One year things will be different. I have found a doctor to work with, yes I fired the rest of my team of doctors and will need to work on replacing them but in the meantime I have a woman doctor that specializes in menopausal women, not autoimmune, but I can take care of my autoimmune disease while she helps me find hormonal balance.

I’m still in my challenge and needing it quite a bit, I did 13056 steps on this day and spent a lot of the time listening to hormonal podcast. I have one year to find the Nicole I really want to be. 

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