I have seriously lost my mind, and feel like I could be suffering from Alzheimer’s and if I don’t write things down immediately they are gone. I can also be looking at something and I know what it is but I can’t remember the name of it. I’m coming across as unorganized and unfocused in certain situations which so frustrating. I’m a Type A personality and for someone like me to lose total control over her body, mind, soul, surroundings, emotions and everything that pertain that is an extremely scary and overwhelming feeling.

On this day in Bikram I was looking at myself in the mirror and in my head I actually said “I hate you” and started to cry. Not an ugly cry and with all the sweating I was doing no one knew it was happening but at that moment I knew control was gone from me in all aspects. I am a phenomenal student of life and I research, try, and fail at so many things but I keep trying and researching so my new part time job is just to research and try and fail but to keep trying to gain control back and find my base line.

I spent a lot of time walking this day because I would feel overwhelmed and sad so I would walk, they were 5-10 minute walks throughout the day but enough for me to tell my brain to quiet down. I did 20523 steps on this day. I cannot live my life like this but I can certainly use these small walks as therapy until I find the balance between hormones, medications, life and self. 


4 thoughts on “DAY 14 OF CHALLENGE

  1. Lisa July 21, 2013 at 10:45 pm Reply

    I am so happy to know I am not the only one with mixed connective tissue disease feeling this way/going through this. I am sending you air hugs. Hang in there.

    • mevsmctd July 22, 2013 at 9:30 pm Reply

      Thank you for taking the time to read my blog and your kind words. I write this because so many of us go through the same things. Good luck on your journey


    • mevsmctd July 22, 2013 at 9:31 pm Reply

      We can all use hugs, even air hugs!!


  2. JR Sitzes July 21, 2013 at 10:47 pm Reply

    I love reading your posts! Stay positive, I know exactly how you feel with MCTD. Some days are struggles. I forget things all the time and it drives me crazy. Simple things that I have done or known for years. I forgot my online banking username. I’ve had it for at least ten years and it was gone. There was a wall in it’s place and I couldn’t break through to even begin to figure out what the username would be. Other times it can be an object like a toothbrush or a pen and I just look at it but can’t remember what it is called. Don’t lose hope! You are doing amazingly well taking care of yourself and enjoying life, I am proud of you and know that our time in these bodies is only temporary. We have a painless eternity to look forward too hanging out with Jesus 🙂

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