First, I would like to say Happy Summer to all, especially for the people that suffer severe Raynaud’s this is our type of weather for turning our purple fingers and toes into pink, normal looking digits again. Second, I would like to apologize for not writing more often. I have no excuse but life gets in the way sometimes and we have to concentrate on other things. It doesn’t mean my health isn’t important, nor does it mean I haven’t been doing things every day that relate to my health and MCTD but I just haven’t had a moment to write about.
I have been forced to stop and really take inventory of myself and my mind and since my mind is feeling very overwhelmed right now. My body feels fabulous and I’m increasing weight training each week but my mind isn’t following suit with my body yet. We are in the process of turning our house upside down this summer with remodeling and although this is something I really want and I know it will be wonderful when it is done, no lie this is seriously stressful. I have been living in chronic stress for several months now with just life.
My doctors are worried about my stress and blood pressure but it fluctuates so much to high and than normal that it is hard to tell if I suffer from high blood pressure or not. I can go days with normal and then it will spike to high for several days and back to normal. I do not want to take another medication especially for high blood pressure. I don’t eat processed foods, I exercise every day literally, and I do yoga 5 days a week. If there is a person out there that should not have high blood pressure I believe I’m that person so I’m watching every day and doing my own testing. I also don’t want to put unwanted stress on my largest organ, my heart, so I have to be careful with this as well. I have been able to decrease some of my other medication and have taken my prednisone down to 4mg and have decreased another medication by half which is my mobic or my pain medication. I do realize that these changes can add stress to my body and if my mind is stressed out most days that is mind working against body, body working against mind.
I was in Bikram on Thursday morning for an early morning class and as you may know you must look at yourself in the mirror for 90. I honestly didn’t know who the woman in the mirror was. I was tired, sad, sore, and out of whack. I’m surrounded by people that truly enjoy me, look out for me and care about me and none of them are family. I drew on their energy and just said to the woman in the mirror that she was OK. I wasn’t fond of her at that moment but she was OK. Friday morning I went right back in the woman in the mirror looked better to me. She didn’t look tired, and I actually had a moment of pride for her. I decided that I needed more time in front of that mirror and really focus on who I was looking at. Each day the woman in the mirror will be different but I cannot be mad at her. She is me, and I have done nothing that justify anger.
I have been back twice more and finding love for the woman in the mirror. Typically Monday is not my day for Bikram but I’m making the commitment to get in there and make an effort to keep finding moments of pride and love for myself and the one I refer to as the “woman in the mirror” this is only because I have lost her a bit and the stress I feel isn’t helping. Lifting heavy weight is awesome but it honestly isn’t doing much for my mind. Tomorrow is my cross-fit session and I’m sure he will work us very hard, I’ll feel accomplished but I think I’ll still feel stressed and I’m desperate for the feelings of stress to leave my mind, my home, my workplace, my car and my yoga studio. Be Gone Stress and Soon!!