STRESS

 I know better than anyone that stress can trigger a flare in MCTD with days of residual fatigue. However, stress in general even if it doesn’t create a flare can cause real changes in the body.  I bring this up because my stress level has been high the last couple of weeks.  I am trying to combat it with yoga, but lately while I’m in yoga I’m just thinking about life and the stress I’m under.

I can usually pride myself on being able to get 8 solid hours of sleep every night, now I just hope I get 4 and I’m not total exhausted when I finally get up and start my day. I even find myself reading at 1am or 2am until it is time to go to the gym.  I am writing in my journal more but not blog as much.  I want to blog but I know that there are people out there that need positive words and I too need positive words but I’m having a hard time finding them.  I want them, I need them, I’m searching for them all the time but what keeps popping in my mind is how will you get everything done?  How will you handle this upcoming situation? How will you make this work? 

I feel as though I’m being tested right now in my life.  I felt this another time when I was diagnosed with MCTD and getting married.  I passed that test and I know I’ll pass this test.  Even loving support from my family is not exactly what I need right now. What I truly need is to find balance.  I went to Bikram last night after a grooling day and as I’m in my balancing postures I kept thinking don’t fall out.  Prove to yourself that you can find the balance. As soon as you let your mind wander you fall, it is the nature of the beast but somehow even when I fell I knew I could get right back in and find my balance.

I need to find my balance in life.  I had balance in life but that was past tense, I need it again and soon.  My word for this year is commitment, so I have to keep reminding myself to be committed to finding the balance I so desperately seek.

Now, the good thing is that this stress has not caused a MCTD flare and I’m at 65 days without a MCTD flare. My body feels extremely strong and I’m hoping to keep going on this same path of being flare-up free but I need my mind as strong as my body and my spirit as strong as my body so I have the mental strength to rid this stress and live in my calm.

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