While we were at Kripalu we did a lot of meditation and even took some classes regarding this subject. I have not fully incorporated this quiet aspect into my daily life but I’m certainly well aware of all the great gifts this quiet exercise allows for people. There are so many ways to meditate so it certainly is not a one size fits all but it is finding the style that works best for the individual. Believe me, I have tried all kinds. I think the one that I came closest to really enjoying was the walking meditation. However, this takes focus and part of meditation is letting go of the focus and quieting the mind.
My mind works on overtime and constantly is thinking, analyzing, researching, and just running wild for no apparent reason some times. I want to find that quiet mind and let the “monkey mind” go. This happens when I’m in Bikram but I cannot find this same type of calm outside of the Bikram studio. At Kripalu we went to a workshop that used writing with meditation. I thought for sure this would work well for me because I love to journal and write down everything that is running wild in this mind of mine. I was all in. We got really comfortable and I stayed sitting for a reason. I believe if I’m just a little bit uncomfortable than it will be enough to make sure I don’t fall asleep during my meditation. I didn’t use any blankets and just stretched my legs out in front of me and closed my eyes.
I could focus on the instructors words for a bit of time and then at some point I remember her saying OK now is the time to write down anything that is on your mind. I totally fell a sleep. I know I did because I couldn’t remember anything from the last word I hear her say until the words to start writing. I did start writing and what came to mind is how I have such a thin line behind meditation and sleep. My husband is looking at me and smiling and I knew that my breathing had changed and he too knew I fell asleep. We did 3 sessions similar to this and after 90 minutes left the class. Matthew just pushed me lightly and said how can you just fall asleep like that? You were even sitting up how did you fall asleep and why do you wake up as soon as she says OK start writing? These are questions I cannot answer. I know that I can fall asleep almost anywhere and obviously in any position except for a standing position. I hear certain words in my sub-conscience and it must be enough to wake me back up. Or, I’m not really asleep just on that edge where my breathing changes but I’m still aware of my surroundings and therefore when she says OK start writing I’m aware of this and just open my eyes and write.
I have never explored hypnosis but perhaps this is almost a type of hypnosis where you are aware of your surroundings but you just go to a deeper place? I don’t have the answers to all these questions and considering I believe I just fall asleep I keep this for my savasanna before and after Bikram. I don’t fall asleep Bikram and I’m able to concentrate on my breathing but there is also no one talking on the peripheral of my practice either. When the instructor enters the studio to begin I know exactly when it is time to start so I know I’m not asleep at that time.
My mind will wander from time to time and yes meditation is a practice, not something I’m very good at but I know I need practice. I have made a commitment to doing restorative yoga for 30 minutes on Sundays. Therefore, I just need to incorporate meditation into this time also. Granted the next several Sunday’s are extremely busy for us but this means I need it that much more and I can always find 30 minutes, one day a week to commit to my well being. I spend several hours a week doing this well being care so I just need to revamp, rework and make sure restorative yoga and meditation are both in my mix. I’m not going to say I won’t fall asleep during meditation with my restorative yoga but right now I’m not staying in postures long enough to really find that most comfortable state but the more I do it the better it feels. In a few weeks I’ll probably be meditating and using restorative yoga together and staying in postures for quiet awhile. Or, just enough time to fall asleep and shock on my husband.