In the middle of the night I woke up with a MCTD sore throat and you are probably wondering why I think this is MCTD and not my strep throat. I get MCTD sore throats regularly and it is a dull ache in my throat which leads to stiffness in my neck, shoulders and upper back. I have pain in the back of my head and my jaw tightens up. When this happens 2 things will follow, either I will go into full flare-up with the shakes, pains and nausea. Or, I can teeter back the other way and not go into flare-up. My thought in the night was to relax, not fight it, and try to stay calm. I need to go into self preservation mode and just focus on me.
Yesterday I was leaving for work my husband just looked at me with loving eyes and said please take care of yourself. At some point your body is going to rebel and you will fall hard. Now is the time to dig deep into self preservation and take care of yourself. He is so worried about me and honestly I have taken my long period of time with out a flare-up a bit for granted because I think I can just keep motoring along as long as I go slowly and really I am at point where I need to stop again. I’m so desperate for my old routine back and yet I think part of the problem is I just need to design a new routine for this new stage I’m in.
It has been such a long time since I really felt like I was at base-line. I’m trying to get back there but everything is thrown off schedule. I’m barely sleeping but if I do get any sleep it is only for an hour or so. That leads to not being able to have enough energy to really get up and work out in the mornings. I’m not eating because my stomach isn’t really ready for food and my taste buds make it such that nothing really tastes great except for really sweet not so good for me foods.
My house-hold relies on my consistency and routine so when I’m off everything is off. I have 2 cats, little old ladies really. They are 12 year sisters Moab and Zion and they don’t know if it is time to eat, sleep, play or get attention. I’m up at 2am trying to figure out how to sleep and they think it is time to eat and play. When I do get up to feed them they are so exhausted they can’t even get out of bed to come eat. I feel their pain, I’m having a difficult time knowing what I’m supposed to be doing also.
It’s weird because part of me thinks my body is strong since I’m not having any flare-ups even while being sick. However, I also think my body is just so worn down that it doesn’t have any fight left in it and that is why I’m just going from one illness to the next. I don’t know exactly what is happening because I haven’t been faced with this before but I do know in the midst of it all I’m just exhausted and I’m not following my number one rule of making sure I haven’t enough energy in the reserve for me. I need to go back to basics and regroup and find a new routine. Mostly I need to make sure I don’t flare and stay on my long flare-up free journey. It’s time to stop and relax.