Ever realize how clothes can make us feel differently or change our attitude? I have always taken notice in the way clothes make me feel and when I feel good it shows and when I don’t feel great I can put on my favorite outfit and fake it. When I was diagnosed with MCTD I decided even on days that I didn’t feel good I would get dressed. I felt like staying in my pj’s was a sign of giving in and I couldn’t do it. Many days during flare the last thing I wanted to do was get dressed but felt like it was exactly what I needed to conquer the flare and get back to my base line.
This past experience with bronchitis was no different. For the first few days I would get up feeling half dead but I was certain that I was getting out of my pj’s. I would just move into lounge wear but I felt like I was making the effort to kick this illness. As the days went on I would change into casual wear which would make me feel like I was progressing. For a few days I would actually get up and put on work clothes, only until about noon and then change into casual or lounge wear. I felt like even for a few hours in the morning I could be the person I want to be.
Yesterday I had a revelation that I feel my strongest when I’m in work out clothes and sneakers. I have conquered many obstacles in my sneakers as well as achieved many goals and created new challenges. I have put an incredible amount of miles on a countless number of sneakers and knew that if I wanted to feel strong and alive I would need to get back into them. That’s exactly what I did yesterday. I had no intention of working out yesterday but that wasn’t the reason for the clothes. I wanted to feel strong. I wanted to feel alive. I wanted to know that I really am on the road to recovery even though this hill feels so hard to climb. I wanted to remember that I will be back to my regular self and I will be doing the things I love again. I don’t know when exactly I’ll feel normal again but I know I will. It felt good being in those clothes and although I didn’t do anything other than some writing and reading and listening to music I had my sneakers on knowing some day very soon I will be putting miles on them again and conquering new goals and challenges.